Unsupportiveness?

I ment to mention this in my last post but it got a little long and involved with my WI and trip out of town. My BF is totally my best friend, and I am that for him as well. The first time I did WW, I was in grade 11 in highschool and I was actively pursuing Chris who was not my BF at the time. He has seen me at my lowest weight and after we started going out, I stopped doing WW because I guess I got the guy. I started putting on weight and in between I did WW on and off but I never did the follow through. Here I am almost 7 years into this relationship and all I've done is gain almost 100 lbs. I think my lowest weight has been in the 160's and I remember I wore a size 10 dress from Fairweather to a formal.

So all the other times that I have done WW, I always told my BF how much weight I lost per week but I never told him the gains. He always used to be really proud and supportive when I told him that kind of stuff, althought I never told him my starting/current weight. I asked him once how much he thought I weighed when I was hovering in the 240's and he told me that he thought I was close to 200 lbs. I always felt really ashamed of my actual weight after that because I know he didn't low ball his answers like guys usually do... he's my best friend and we have a relationship where we can talk about anything.

So I had my WI on Tuesday and when I got in the car, I asked him if he wanted to know how my first week back OP was. I was very surprised to hear him tell me that he didn't care and that it didn't make a difference if he knew or not. I was really shocked to hear him say that... and going out for supper at a buffet ensued after that, I think I overate a little due to those extremely unkind words. But now that I reflect on it, it really helps me to realize that I have to finish it this time. No one, other than my mom, has seen me try and fail so many times than Chris. I do really well, and then something comes up where I get off track and I just feel like I've gone too far and I quit. I really can't do that this time, I have a lot of things to keep me accountable now.

1. Meetings. I cannot quit and rejoin at my meeting after gaining a ton of weight again. It was very embarrassing and humbling to do it this time, I do not have the courage to do it again if I fall off track... so I won't.
2. WW message boards. Maybe no one would notice if I vanished from them but when I came back and told everybody how I was rejoining, some people actually remembered me. Maybe I do mean something there.
3. Accountability buddy. So there's this girl that has never met me nor knows my horrible WW history who has agreed to be my accountability buddy. I cannot believe that someone would do that... and she has been awesome so far! I think she might kick my ass if I dropped off the face of the earth to run away with bread.
4. This damned blog. I used to have a livejournal for just personal blogging, it never worked out because I'd neglect to post updates and then feel like it's been to long since updating to post. Well now that my blog is focused on my WW journey, I feel like a lot of stress to blog is gone. I can write what I want, when I want because it's there to help me through my journey. If others read it out of interest, great.
5. My YouTube channel. I like that I started making videos. I feel like if I stopped that, I'd regret it a great deal. It's not very popular but the subscribers I have now are wonderful :)
6. My BF. I need to show him I'm better than what my track record has demonstrated. I'm definately not doing this for him, I don't think he cares really what my weight is. I just want to be healthy.

I just needed to get that off my chest. Better go and get ready to venture off to the library, today is the last Sunday it's open until September :(

-Kira