First Post!

So here I am again. I have moved back home after finishing school for the year, except it's a little different this time around. I'm graduating this year, so this means I have to find myself a job and a new place to live. I'm not staying in my hometown as it's a bit of a black hole and my boyfriend can't find a good job in his field of interest so we're blowing this joint as soon as I get hired.

So why am I rejoining WW? There are definately a few reasons.

1) Around Christmas, I literally had no pants to wear. So I went to Reitmans and bought a couple pair of jeans and a pair of dress pants in a size... 18. Never before had I needed to go above a size 16 and it spooked me.

2) I have always managed to stay under the 250 mark and basically always assumed I would never let myself get over that line. Well my Poppa passed away quite suddenly and I cried, and I ate, and I ate and cried simutaneously. I finally saw 251 on the scale and by the time I moved home and such, the scale told me I was 255.

3) I am not happy with myself in a few ways. I don't like the way I look, I don't like the danger I have put myself in with repsect to developing serious health conditions, and I do not like the way I eat. As much as my boyfriend says that I'm beautiful no matter what size I am, I feel like one day I could no longer be attractive to him. I want him to always want me, as much as I always want him. I am a nurse and I know what I'm doing to myself. I am eating myself to death, quite literally. My dad was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and he's changed his lifestyle, but that puts me at a higher risk... and I don't like those odds. I simply eat crap. No way around that fact, but it's gotta stop.

4) I want to get married and have my body ready for babies. I want to look so beautiful on my wedding day and not have family members gossiping about how fat I am and that I've been this way since I was a kid. And as much as I hate the way my friend's kid's act, I still want my own. I think they deserve to incubate in a healthy environment.

I rejoined WW meetings this past Tuesday (April 14, 2009) and weighed in at 261 lbs. I was absolutely shocked and speechless at seeing that weight in my little weight tracking book, like literally I contributed nothing to the meeting where I usually talk a bunch. I need to make this work and this time I will. I am committing to not stopping. I want to succeed where I have not succeeded so many times before. I know that I need a ton of support, which is why I have become more active on the WW community message boards and am contemplating doing video posts on youtube like so many inspiring people do. Maybe one day I can inspire someone.

-Kira