29 Weeks To Go

Ups and downs are part of life and definately part of my WW journey.

Well this past week was an up hill battle.

I'm trying to applaud myself for the good things I did, but the scale is a huge fixation for me. The scale told me I was up this week. Only 0.4 lbs but still, I always feel like it's a fail moment. I left the meeting and comfort ate and the day became a "diet write off" but I got my shit together and tracked the next day.

So what went wrong this week?

Well, I stopped tracking mid week. I'll start off tracking on etools very well, planning ahead and such but then I started not tracking things or telling myself I'd track them when I got to the computer later. Another reason I am right pissed that WW doesn't have an iPod app in Canada, that thing goes where I go, I am never without it.

Potlucks at work. Spontaneous potlucks at work. I'm talking day before notice. That kills me because after a full 12 hour day shift at work, and knowing I have to go back the next day for the same thing, does not make me able to plan what to bring that is a healthy option. I brought a cheese and chicken pepperette tray with crackers. Tricuits are like crack to me.

Also, days at work where I don't get breaks and literally jam whatever I can into my mouth so I don't feel super lightheadded and pass out on a patient suck too. Not constructive to the way I want to eat.

But there was something I am proud of. I have to admit something I'm ashamed of in order to share what I am proud of. Usually, when I go to the grocery store by myself, like the BF doesn't want to come with me, I buy treats. Not only do I buy treats, I eat them in the car on the way home so there is no evidence of the multiple treats, except for one treat that I bring into the house which is usually acceptable to my BF. He'll generally say something about my consumption of treats if there's more than 1 or 2. So this week, I was at the grocery store by myself. The bakery is where my treats are, oh cheese bagels and croissants and muffins and danishes and cheese sticks. Well I managed to walk past and not pick up any treats. Even doing that once is a huge accomplishment for me, as I did buy danishes later that week which does somewhat diminsh the first accomplishment in my eyes.

Food addictions are tough.

Overcoming them involves doing a lot of things that you wouldn't normally do when giving in. I got back on track on my first night shift at work this set. I ate fruit instead of Starbucks Oat Fudge Bars. Heck, I didn't even go to Starbucks on my second night. I find it easier to stay on track on nights than it is to do on days.

On my second day shift this week, I had a patient that was autistic and a colleague of mine helped me to get an IV in him... plus about 5 security guards. Of course, my friend got punched straight in the chest. Last night, the patient and his mother brought us cookies and what looked like cannolies of something along those lines to thank us for all our help and understanding. This does happen a lot when you're a nurse, patients and their families end up liking you and thank you, even in ER. As much as I appreciated their kind gesture, the treats were placed in a high traffic area for everyone to enjoy. I did not eat one. I am happy I chose not to eat them. I asked someone if they were delicious, they said yes. I felt a strong urge to take one but I just didn't. I must have had treatment room fever, as I like to call it when I feel a little loopy from working there. My food addiction wanted me to eat them, many of them.

Food addictions are tough.

Walking home from work this morning was tough too, when 3 buses passed me that I could have hopped on. But thats my activity for the day, even if it only earns me 2 activity points. I knew when I left work that I wouldn't be going to the gym today. The walk home was especially slow today. But I walked.

I should really go to bed and get some sleep.

Starting weight (April 14/09): 261 lbs
Current weight (April 22/10): 242.4 lbs
Weight gain this week: 0.4 lbs
Total weight loss: 18.6 lbs

-Kira

New Goals and A Plan to Get to Goal

Hi.

Remember me?

I'm Kira.

And I stopped blogging a really long time ago.

I'm not a very good or dedicated blogger, but I'm back. I am proud to say that I have not stopped going to Weight Watchers even through all the stuff 2009 threw at me like a new job, a move and starting my adult life, but it's not like I have lost much weight. I currently weigh 242 lbs, which is a difference of 19 lbs since I rejoined Weight Watchers on April 14/09. Don't get me wrong, 19 lbs is great and I'm so happy I haven't cumulatively gained weight over this past year but I know I can do better than that.

So here I am now. Whats different? Well, I have come to realize that I am still unhappy with my weight and my behaviours with food. This year, I will be turning 25. In approxiamately 30 weeks, I will be turning 25. I'm not one of those people who really care about how old they are, or at least I don't believe I am, but whenever I thought about myself at that age in the past, I did not see myself still overweight at age 25. So how do I fix this problem? Well I'm not 100% sure but I think I need a goal. The overall amount of weight I have to lose is very overwhelming to me, I tend to focus on the big picture. I've never been good at establishing short term goals for myself, I've always been a procrastinator. So the idea of still having approximately 100 lbs to lose has always been very daunting and unmotivating to me.

I have this idea. I'm thinking if I can get under 200 lbs for my 25th birthday, that would be the best present I could ever give myself. So I would need to lose about 1.5 lbs per week until my 25th birthday on November the 15th of 2010. Can I do that? Sure I can, but the question is really will I do that?

I have a problem with food. Don't we all. Well I simply do not control myself around food. Like take this week for instance. I was over my weekly points by like 30 points. Thats with a good amount of activity and being "on plan." But I still managed to shed 3.4 lbs at weigh in this week. You'd think that would motivate me right? Negative! Friday, since it was weigh in day, I allowed myself a "cheat day." But I've let it spiral out of control until today. Luckly, I'm done eating for today and have assured myself that I will plan tonight and follow the plan tomorrow. I can do that. When I plan, I am more likely to succeed. My problem is that I am lazy. I simply do not plan because I don't feel like it. It also allows me to cheat for longer, psychologically speaking of course.

So I am going to give this a try. See what I can do with a shorter term goal versus the looming 121 lbs in total I want to lose. I know that if I can get under 200 that I will be happier with myself and can actually see getting to goal and then lifetime. So it doesn't matter what I've done this weekend already, I am forgiving myself and moving on. This plan expects slip ups, I can't beat myself up anymore for them, they are part of the journey and I just have to accept them. It's like family members that horribly embarrass you, they're still part of you're family! I'm going to try to talk about my feelings and what I'm doing with my weight loss journey more often also.

Happy re-birthday to me.

Starting weight (April 14/09): 261 lbs
Current weight (April 16/10): 242 lbs
Weight loss this week: 3.4 lbs
Total weight loss: 19 lbs

-Kira